12:17am

12:17am.

I lay in bed, staring up at the twinkle lights hung from the ceiling.

The lyrics wash over me and carry me away like the waves of the sea.

“Oh, I’ve heard a thousand stories of what they think you’re like
But I’ve heard the tender whisper of love in the dead of night
And you tell me that you’re pleased
And that I’m never alone

You’re a Good, Good Father
It’s who you are, it’s who you are, it’s who you are
And I’m loved by you
It’s who I am, it’s who I am, it’s who I am”

Carried away to this place of unexplainable joy. Of perfect peace. This is the place You promised to me. I came to the end of myself and then I met you in this place. The fear. The exhaustion. The running away. The white knuckles. It’s done. And the moment I stopped trying to do it all on my own, I saw You clearly. And now I see it all clearly. All of the pain. All of the heartache. The shame. The guilt. The obstacles. The hard decisions. It all feels worth it in this moment as I realize that all of Your promises are true. You have set me in this spacious place. You have taken care of me all this time.

Oh, what a magnificent place it is. Oh, the beauty of this soul that has learned to find its peace, its trust, in You.

I sit up in my bed and start scribbling prayers of praise. I could go on forever.

You are a good, good Father. And I am loved by You.

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